To Having It All…

Which means never, ever, having to settle.

So we’ve all been over my deep, dark desires. Admitting to a room full of people that all you’ve ever wanted was the handsome prince on the white horse is nothing short of frightening…especially when you spent so many years putting on the front that you didn’t need anything from anyone. But I just couldn’t shake the obsession. Obsession meaning before I even went on a date with you I was putting your last name with my first name.. yes I know.. it’s crazy! 

Some therapists explained (the best they could) that it stemmed from the trauma surrounding the birth of my son, and the years to follow after. Some therapists said it was from being a single mother and that it was completely natural to have such desires. Some interpreted the thoughts came from old stories, ideas, and abandonment feelings. All I knew is the attachment to find Mr. Right was there and it wasn’t going anywhere, anytime soon.

I also knew that my strong intuition and blind faith played a major role in moving on from loss. Loss of jobs, loss of men, loss of friends, loss of fantasies. Some might call it resilience, others maybe ego, but when something was removed from my life…it was removed. I chose to believe that part of me that promised there was something bigger on the other side. Also, there was no way in hell I was turning back to the person or situation that almost just destroyed me!

Maybe I am an optimist or a hopeless romantic..but I’m just not willing. Not willing to settle. Not willing to suffer. Not willing to be unhappy. If theres one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that happiness doesn’t sit at your doorstep. You have to create it, which means if something isn’t making you happy it’s at-least an opportunity to find out why (let the journey begin) 

So, back to the handsome prince. From doing a lot of inner work I realized where my obsession with Mr. Right came from. It turned out to not be a Sex in the City case. It was because I believed I could never have it all. After I had my son, I subconsciously gave up on myself. I gave up on my dreams, my aspirations, and my goals. I placed myself in a box, which ultimately meant fear was rocking my world. 

It took time.

It took grief.

It took self-reflection.

it took God.

But, I did realize this. Anyone, anywhere CAN have it all. This means in any situation, in any life. But there is one catch- it’s never going to be dropped off at your doorstep (unfortunately). You have to move your feet. You have to find your light. You have to be willing to pick up the pieces when their broken. 

You have to soul search. 

Let’s face it, you could have settled for that marriage you weren’t meant to be in. You could have settled for that job that will never set your heart on fire. You could have settled for those friends that made you feel worthless. You could have settled. But I believe you..yes you..can absolutely have it all.